Last time I was here I told you about getting rid of my stinkin’ thinkin’ thanks to realizing that the battle was not in my circumstance, but in my mind. Thanks Joyce and Battlefield of the Mind! The section that hit me like a ton if bricks was the Wilderness Mentality. Thoughts that leave me stuck in the same place, the dessert, alone hosting my own pity party that no one wants to come to.
Number six was such a reality check I snapped a photo. Ha! My behavior may be wrong but it’s not my fault. Ouch!
Why? Because I am queen of excuses and justification. I may be gossiping and talking bad about someone but it's not my fault, they did me wrong! It's not my fault I treat [fill in the blank] that way, he or she doesn't treat me right! It's not my fault I'm yelling and being mean, the kids are acting crazy. It's not my fault I am like this, you don't know what I have been through.
It’s always everyone else fault and not my own. The worst part is, because of the it’s not my fault, apologies are always half-hearted and have a big but. They sound a lot like I’m sorry BUT if you didn’t, they didn’t, this didn’t…
Knowing this truth has now left me no excuse for my bad behavior and God brought up a time to remind me just what it looks like. The time I was being the rotten apple.
It started out to be the perfect day. Randy decided decide to take us apple picking, spur of the moment [one off my bucket list]. I was over the moon. We rushed to get ready. He got ready and I….. got the kids ready, got myself ready, I'm dealing with wild ready kids, I’m packing snacks, I’m getting water, I’m loading the car. Before I know it, my jumbled/busy/stressed mind worked itself up to a me me me pity party. Why do I have to do all the work and he just gets to take of himself?!
Ironically, it only takes one rotten apple to spoil the bunch. That rotten apple was my attitude, my mood, my pouty ungrateful self. My attitude was putting a cloud over a good day. I may have been a stink butt, but it’s not my fault…. No one was helping me and I had to stress myself out and do it all!
Randy talked me down, I got my marbles together and apologized for my bad attitude over petty little things. I apologized for not communicating my need for help.
The day ended up being lovely
In this situation I know God was telling me,“but it’s not my fault” excuse happens more than you think. You almost let it ruin that great day. It keeps you from giving a whole hearted apology because you are too busy looking at the other persons fault. You know the truth, so no excuses for the rotten behavior.
I may have had to get everything together that day and was so focused on me that I failed to see and be grateful for Randy. He wanted to take us out for an adventure. He was going to drive us there and back, pay for the trip, help with the kids when we got there. This was a time to enjoy our family time and I was missing it!
I thought about my rotten behavior that day [and times before] and a flood of verses came to mind….
Do everything without grumbling or complaining.
Whatever you do, work at it with your own being, for the Lord and not for men.
Yes! Serving my family not for their praises but because it makes God happy.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm.
I learned that day that YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING RIGHT but if you have the wrong attitude, the wrong heart, it was all for nothing. I decided then that I want to be able to feel emotions without having to get crazy and act upon them. To communicate better. I wish I could say I am perfect and don't do this anymore, it still happens. But now I can recognize it and apologies have become more sincere and less bitter. Communication of feelings is sounding a little less crazy and a little more like talking.
There is nothing like the... it’s not my fault it’s my emotions, the other person, the problems, the stresses, the busy, society to keep us in the wilderness.
1. Allow God to search your heart and show you times when you have used the but it’s not my fault excuse.
2. Without looking at the faults of the other person, examine how your behavior may be wrong.
3. Ask God to show you how to change your own personal behavior.